the blues has kicked in

man am i wore out. i have been running and runing since i got home 2 months ago. i ve been managing to keep busy and destracting myself quite a bit,mason also helps with that. he has gotten so many bumps and bruises and has really became a tom boy as we call it here in michigan. he just wants t be out doors all the time. we got word that chris may be returning home 2 months early but wont know for sure till the day he does basically. its fustrating. as days go by i get lonlier. i miss his scent his warm embrace and the sound of laughter. im startn to get the winter blues also. its so cold here. its a wooping 45 degrees. i told him today that i wanted to go back to san diego before it started snowing no matter what. i miss the warm wheather the peice and quite of my own home and most of all my bestie,espeically now that shes having a baby i want to be there for her. its hard being so far away from people you care about. i ahte leaving people beind no matter where i go i alawys end up missing someone and that takes a toll on you after awhile.

well..

I THINK THE STRESS IS FINALLY GETTING TO ME. I MISS MY HUSBAND SO MUCH. MASON IS IN HIS TANTRUM STAGE AND POTTY TRAINING BOY OH BOY. SOME DAYS I JUST THINK ILL FALL APART ESPECIALLY WHEN MASON SAYS WHENS DADDY COMMING? I JUST WANT TO CRY INSTEAD OF BEING STRONG. WHY IS IT THAT I HIDE IT ALL THE TIME I ASK MY SELF SOME DAYS. I JUST WISH I HAD RAEL FRIENDS HERE IN MICHIGAN THAT UNDERSTOOD AND CARED BUT NO IM 2500 MILES AWAY FROM MY TRUE FRIENDS. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH...I JUST WISH MY LIFE WOULD GO BACK TO NORMAL WITH MY HUSBAND LAYN NEXT TO ME AND US LAUGHING ABOUT STUPID STUFF. ONLY 5 MONTHS LEFT OF THIS LONLINESS I GUESS.....

13 days to go.....

well its getting close. chris is leaving in 13days and im totally on the verge of a major break down. there is so much stress with him leaving for 8 months not to mention the other stress of packing driving across country and hearing people tell me that they understand when in reality they just dont know what to say because they themselves could never imagin being away from there husband for more than a week. escipally when i wont even get to know if hes okay until 2 months after hes over there...im am so scared and want to just break down and cry but i stand there with a smile on my face and act like im fine for my son and him. we still have a million things to pack up and only a week to do it. i just cant do it alone. and hes working to much to even help. im so ready to scream!!!!GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!! why does it have to be so hard.............

im dying inside.............

well a couple of days ago i got the news" babe im depolying to afganastan in less than 60 days they put us in active status" i couldnt believe they did it so soon. it was supposed to be in november. i didnt know what to say or do all i could do is hold him and my little boy. we are trying to get everything together there is so much to do. he will be gone for 7-8 months. he will miss masons 2nd bday, christmas, my birthday, anniversary and valentines day. i get comments from people that say oh your strong it will be okay. but in reality most of them dont know whats its like to be away from there spouse that long, waiting by the phone for a call, trying not to watch the news of all the people dying, trying to explain to a 2yr old where daddy is as he looks around for him, juggling everything on my own and praying that he will come home alive. thats nothing i would wish upoun anyone. truth is im trying to stay strong for everyone but i can only hold in so much till i break down. i hate waking up every morning with a smile when i know im dying inside.........but i guess thats what i asked for when i married a military man as some people say,huh?

TOMORROW IS THE DAY

WELL TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY. IM FINALLY HAVING MY GRADUATION! I HAVE WORKED SO HARD A ND PUT UP WITH ALOT OF CRAP FROM THE SCHOOL. I DEFINITLY DESERVE TO WALK THE STAGE. WISH ME LUCK.....

Heres to my first blog.....

This is my first blog ever.mommynightowl keeps hounding me to get on here and write. well what to say. let me start by saying im so glad that school is over with for now. graduation is this weekend and i can not wait to walk that stage although i would have loved it if my famliy could of made it. the school only gave a few weeks notice so plane tickets were to high. oh well we will have a blast ne way. then off to sixflags on sunday. im getting really fustrated with my husbands command. they keep stressing my husband out majorly and he works so hard for them. he has been trying to lose weight because he gained 28lbs. in this process he has beenin the hospital because the military has dogged him and told him he cant eat and keeps making threats to him. thats not right at all. he works out 2x a day and barley eats. hes trying so hard why cant they see that....well thats all i have to say for now..